‘I often say to my children you have a right to be selfish about who you choose to fall in love with and, hopefully, share your life with. But once you make that choice, you must be selfless and giving unless your mental or physical health is being compromised or you are really sure that feeling has gone .
‘Nobody can tell you how to feel. You can’t make yourself love somebody-only exude behaviour that looks like love only to later be struck down by unhappiness, frustration and guilt. That’s why sometimes you should respect peoples right to walk away from major commitments because it doesn’t feel right;even if it’s at the last minute. Of course people will guilt them to pieces for their own selfish reasons. (And yes I have been badly hurt myself before)
‘I remember in my early thirties the pressure I placed on myself to ‘settle down’. Of course many peers were encouraging, even tacitly pressuring me to settle. I think in a few cases they thought I was lost and going nowhere. I remember sitting at a dinner party once, and the wife of a colleague told me in front of the group that I looked ‘vacant and lonely’. I felt really uncomfortable because I had no strong feelings for anyone at the time. (Ironically her marriage was finished several years later). But the truth was that I was still immature and confused about what I needed and even how to give. This left me selfish within relationships which made it almost impossible for success.
‘When people say ‘all I want is for you to love me’, they are are ultimately asking you to behave in a way that makes them feel love. If you don’t feel it, then don’t try to behave in a way you do. It’s a much greater betrayal than pretending.
‘So the moral is ‘be selfish about who you choose to love, but be selfless once it’s an established love’.
‘Walking by your side, which is dedicated to my wife, is a song about ‘that feeling’. The feeling of loving being with somebody, feeling a deep sense of happiness with the world that they are in your life. It also a song about it feeling natural to walk by their side, to be seen walking by their side and to be prepared to walk by their side through the fire.
Enjoy Jen Davids singing my song ‘Walking By Your Side’. CLICK ON THIS to download via Spotify or iTunes: https://linktr.ee/thestevebellprojects
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